General Jokes 🃏

No matter how pleasantly fragrant the hand soap is, you should never walk out of the gent's toilets sniffing your fingers.....
 
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Keir Starmer decided he'd start walking to Parliament everyday, at the same street corner, he would pass a hooker.

He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

“One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout.

"No! Five pounds!" he said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.

She'd yell "One hundred and fifty pounds!" He'd yell back "Five pounds!"

One day, Angela Rayner decided to accompany her boss and as the couple neared the hooker's corner he became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as she watched the pair pass.

Then, the hooker yelled "See what you get for five pounds, you cheap b*stard!"
 
Maurice Earp said:
Keir Starmer decided he'd start walking to Parliament everyday, at the same street corner, he would pass a hooker.

He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

“One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout.

"No! Five pounds!" he said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.

She'd yell "One hundred and fifty pounds!" He'd yell back "Five pounds!"

One day, Angela Rayner decided to accompany her boss and as the couple neared the hooker's corner he became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as she watched the pair pass.

Then, the hooker yelled "See what you get for five pounds, you cheap b*stard!"
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Bernard Manning lives.

You should be ashamed.
 
Maurice Earp said:
Keir Starmer decided he'd start walking to Parliament everyday, at the same street corner, he would pass a hooker.

He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

“One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout.

"No! Five pounds!" he said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.

She'd yell "One hundred and fifty pounds!" He'd yell back "Five pounds!"

One day, Angela Rayner decided to accompany her boss and as the couple neared the hooker's corner he became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as she watched the pair pass.

Then, the hooker yelled "See what you get for five pounds, you cheap b*stard!"
Click to expand...
You can imagine when Corbyn was leader and he walk passed that same corner and the hooker saying £150 but Corbyn didn’t say £5 he said I’ve got a Diane thank you very much
 
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!"
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
 
Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different.

3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.

2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant.

Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.

Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?
Paddy replies, - This year I’m taking her with me!
 
Paddy & Mick find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police station.

Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?"

Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two!”
 
Big Ronaldo said:
Paddy & Mick find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police station.

Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?"

Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two!”
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Come on, insulting, false stereotypes. Really?
 
Big Ronaldo said:
… and there was me thinking that the jokes page would be free of snide woke folk.

Do yerself a favour mate and give yourself a plunge pool of sheep dip!!!
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Er, sorry 'mate' anti Irish 'jokes' are offensive and I'm surprised a moderator hasn't stepped in here.

'Never heard about, Oscar Wilde and Brendan Behan,
Sean O'Casey, George Bernard Shaw.
Samuel Beckett, Eugene O'Neill, Edna O'Brien and Lawrence Stern.'
 
Italics: JM Synge, James fucking Joyce, Flann O'brien, Brian O'Nolan, Miles na Gopalèn, Roger Casement, Seamus Heaney, Jonathan Swift, and Uncle Tom Cobley.
 
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