Oslernorth
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- Joined
- 23 Dec 2017
- Messages
- 2,045
That’s a bold claimLongest collection of words with no punctuation I have seen on here
General Jokes 🃏
- Thread starter behindthegoal
- Start date
bazzer9461
God like member
- Joined
- 6 Dec 2017
- Messages
- 40,753
Some guy knocked on my door today and said
“I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."
I said, "You've got the wrong house then mate."
“I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."
I said, "You've got the wrong house then mate."
MalaysiaYellow
Active member
- Joined
- 8 Dec 2017
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- 671
Yeah I heard you have to enter via the back passage. Also they asked if can come quietly and not make a mess.
beyondthefourth
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- 7 Dec 2017
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- 3,355
I signed up for Cher's fan website the other day.
It asked for a password and I put "LifeAfterLove"
The site said "I really don't think that's strong enough."
It asked for a password and I put "LifeAfterLove"
The site said "I really don't think that's strong enough."
bazzer9461
God like member
- Joined
- 6 Dec 2017
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- 40,753
I think my wife had trouble remembering the order of service at our wedding. As she arrived at church she was repeatedly heard to mutter "aisle, altar, hymn. Aisle, altar, hymn....."
Maurice Earp
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- 6 Dec 2017
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- 1,913
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”
beyondthefourth
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- 7 Dec 2017
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- 3,355
Give us an example so we know the standard?
bazzer9461
God like member
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- 6 Dec 2017
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- 40,753
Gary was teased about his lack of hair, but had the last laugh when he used his nickname for the biscuit that made him a millionaire
Peterdev
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- 17 Dec 2017
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- 4,278
Breaking News
The U.K. Health Minister has announced a new Indian Covid Variant…the Vinaflu
the population will now be offered the Punjab.
Please take this variant very seriously. My neighbour caught it and has been in a Korma for a week.
Sadly he had only just buried his Naan who a dodgy Tikka.
Only five were allowed to attend the funeral. It led to a right old Arji Bhaaji
The U.K. Health Minister has announced a new Indian Covid Variant…the Vinaflu
the population will now be offered the Punjab.
Please take this variant very seriously. My neighbour caught it and has been in a Korma for a week.
Sadly he had only just buried his Naan who a dodgy Tikka.
Only five were allowed to attend the funeral. It led to a right old Arji Bhaaji
Mojofilter
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- Joined
- 6 Dec 2017
- Messages
- 1,179
I was just on a london/essex train and a man in the carriage was trying to teach his dog to play trumpet
Within an hour he'd gone from barking to tooting
Within an hour he'd gone from barking to tooting
Maurice Earp
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- 6 Dec 2017
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- 1,913
Sadie, a 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, Sadie decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth!
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?
Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied:
”I didn't recognise you."
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, Sadie decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth!
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?
Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied:
”I didn't recognise you."
Maurice Earp
Well-known member
- Joined
- 6 Dec 2017
- Messages
- 1,913
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots, But they only know to say one thing'
What do they say?' the priest asked.
They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,
Then he thought for a moment.....
You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.'
Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'
The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house.... As he ushered her in,
She saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying..
Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrots in with them...
After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison: Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence... One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,
'Put the beads away, Frank, Our prayers have been answered
I have two female parrots, But they only know to say one thing'
What do they say?' the priest asked.
They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,
Then he thought for a moment.....
You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.'
Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'
The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house.... As he ushered her in,
She saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying..
Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrots in with them...
After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison: Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence... One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,
'Put the beads away, Frank, Our prayers have been answered